


I don't want to ever let you go

by rynoa29



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spirits, Inspired by Hotarubi no Mori e, M/M, Relationship between a human & a spirit, Romance, Slow Burn, Yukio is a spirit, friendship to romance, happy ending... technically, some dialogue has been adapted from the original movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rynoa29/pseuds/rynoa29
Summary: One day, Renzou wanders into the forest and crosses paths with a spirit with whom he forms a long-lasting friendship with. As the years pass, the distance between their worlds starts to become unbearable...
Relationships: Okumura Yukio/Shima Renzou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	I don't want to ever let you go

The first time Renzou met him was when he was seven. 

His family had not moved out of Kyoto yet, though it was in the works. Renzou was partly excited about it. Living in the big city was any countryside boy’s dream; but the circumstances behind the move were hardly favorable.

Takezou, his eldest brother who had just recently turned twenty-one, had gotten into an accident. He had been returning back home late one night from one of the many part-time jobs he had picked up in order to help their family make ends meet, when he spotted a bus run past a red light. A glance at the front seat revealed that the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. That was bad enough as it was, but the danger of the situation rose further when Takezou noticed a young boy, who had stepped out to get a drink from a nearby vending machine, drop some of his coins by accident, and unaware of the imminent danger he was putting himself in, the boy ran out into the street, chasing after the coins.

Without giving it a second thought, Takezou, using his fast reflexes, dashed forward to save the boy at once. He pushed the boy off just in time to get him out of the way, but Takezou himself had not been quick enough to avoid full impact with the bus.

He’d been in a coma since then. The company that had hired the driver was taking care of every expense incurred from the accident, including their move. That had been their mother’s decision. Tokyo had the best doctors in the nation on staff, so she accepted the recommendation for Takezou to be moved there, but she was adamant that the rest of the family move alongside him. The thought of being so far away from Takezou was unbearable to her, and no one dared talked her out of it.

Everyone missed Takezou, Renzou included. Thus, they would be leaving at the end of the summer. 

In the meantime, however, the restless mood in the house had Renzou vibrating out of his skin. Jun, who had recently graduated from high school and had been studying hard for her college entrance exams, put everything on hold in order to step up and help their parents as Takezou had done. As grateful as their parents were for her help, her choice to do this also caused many arguments between them.

“You should be focusing on school!” their mother protested heatedly.

“It’s only until we get to Tokyo! C’mon, as if you don’t have your hands full with the move as it is,” Jun shot back, just as fiercely. “What, are you gonna have Juuzou be taking care of Yumi instead? Like hell!”

Juuzou, who only had two years of high school left, was great with children. Whenever Takezou wasn’t around, he tended to be the one next in charge of babysitting Gouzou, Kinzou and Renzou. However, he didn’t have a clue about what to do with babies, and though he would be more than happy to learn how to help take care of their not-quite-yet one-year-old sister, Jun was determined to keep him from picking up more responsibilities. 

“They’re all having a hard time as it is. Don’t be difficult, Ma!” Jun insisted. 

“This isn’t what your brother would’ve wanted for you. Exams are right around the corner. Don’t waste your future like this!” their dad said next. Despite not being one to typically cut in in their mother-daughter fights, in this case, he felt the need to support his wife. 

“Don’t you dare bring him into this.” Jun’s hands curled into tight fists. Her expression shifted into one that was as hurt as it was angry. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Take-nii ain’t here right now to say his piece, is he?! If I miss them this time, I miss them! I still got plenty o’ time!”

“Renzou.”

Juuzou’s quiet voice startled Renzou, who had been hiding behind the shoji of his parents’ room, listening in to the argument. When he turned to look at Juuzou, it was with a guilty expression on his face.

“Come on… You shouldn’t be here,” Juuzou said to him, urging him away from the door in a soft voice.

“Sorry…” Renzou mumbled. He let himself be led out into the yard of the house, where Gouzou and Kinzou were chasing each other around. If there was one thing Kinzou had going for him, it was his stupidly blind optimism. He was the least phased about Takezou’s accident, confident that he would recover in no time. 

Gouzou, who was more prone to quietly dwell in his own worries, was drawn by his younger brother’s enthusiasm. The two of them usually balanced out each other pretty well, reigning in the worst aspects of their personalities, and they had been spending a lot more time together recently given everything that had happened.

It was actually a nice distraction for everyone really, because Renzou and Kinzou were too often at each other’s throats for one reason or another. Maybe Kinzou sensed on an animalistic level (because Renzou hardly regarded him to be capable of any higher thinking than that) that their parents didn’t need any more issues on their plate. Or maybe he really wasn’t as okay with Takezou’s condition as he made it seem. Whichever way, Renzou was just glad to spend his days as far away as possible from his annoying older brother, and he knew Juuzou felt the same way, since he was the one who often had to break up their fights.

“Juu-nii…. Do you think Take-nii’s going to be okay?”

It had been a month already, and Takezou’s condition had not changed in the least. 

Juuzou’s expression faltered for a moment, but when he met Renzou’s eyes, it was with an easy, kind smile.

“Of course he will be, Renzou. Take-nii is strong. Now go on, run along. Don’t let me catch you inside the house until dinner time.”

That was a tall order, given how hot it was outside today, but Renzou knew they just didn’t want him to get in the way of the packing. Though they still had plenty of time before the move, his family had started getting everything ready early in consideration of their grandparents, who were moving from the small, quaint little house they had in Nara and into this place. The idea of selling the property that had been passed down their family for many generations was unthinkable.

“We’ll be back when Takezou is back on his feet,” he’d overheard his father say over the phone the other week. “Thank you for doing this. I appreciate the trouble you are going through for us.”

Renzou had mixed feelings about that particular piece of news. He didn’t like the thought of having to move back at all. Moving once already was such a hassle. They had to switch schools, had to leave their friends behind and start everything over. Doing that one time didn’t sound so bad given that they were moving to _Tokyo,_ but to have to do that all over again later? He hoped his parents changed their mind about it, when Takezou was all better again.

It was these kinds of heavy thoughts that slowly began to suffocate Renzou. There were so many good things and bad things that had come from Takezou’s accident. He felt guilty for being happy about some of the changes. He felt worried about what their future would look like, in the short term and in the long term. Most of all, he felt sad, because he missed Takezou. 

It was that sense of loneliness, that need for familiarity, that drew Renzou to the forest path near their home. Growing up with five older siblings sometimes made him feel invisible, but for the most part, he just felt smothered being surrounded by so many family members. So whenever he could get away with it, he liked to sneak off into the forest to have some room to breathe. 

“Geez, you little troublemaker. Don’t go running off here without tellin’ me next time,” Takezou told him after the first time Renzou had wandered in there. He’d been five at the time and after Kinzou had broken one of his favorite toys, he’d yelled at him until he had been blue in the face and ran off before anyone could stop him. It was only after Renzou had stopped sobbing his heart out that he realized he had gotten lost. Thankfully, Takezou found him easily not long after that.

After that experience, Renzou promised to always let him know. Even after he grew more familiar with the forest, he continued to confide in his eldest brother, if only because Takezou always made the time to pick him up no matter what. It became their little routine, so even now, as Renzou walked up the stone staircase that led to the entrance of the forest, he couldn’t help but to recall the warmth of his brother’s hand closed around his own as he led him back home.

Takezou wouldn’t be able to do that, this time.

 _Stupid, don’t think about that_ , Renzou reprimanded himself, but the suffocating feeling in his chest only grew. He clutched the front of his shirt, paralyzed by the way his heart ached at the thought of coming back home alone tonight. It was worse than any toothache he had ever endured, worse than any bruise he had ever gotten. But he shook his head and picked up his pace, his eyes steady on the worn gate at the top of the steps. His sandals slapped across the stone floor as he rushed forward before the sound faded out as he stepped into the soft dirt. There, he took a deep breath. He always liked to tell himself that once he crossed this gate, that was his cue to leave all his troubles behind. It was as if he had stepped past an invisible barrier and into a different world. 

It did feel a little easier, taking his next step forward. The wind pressed along his back, a soft caress which urged him to keep moving, so he did. As always, the sound of the leaves rustling around him was a welcoming song, accompanied by the steady _peck peck_ rhythm of nearby woodpeckers and the faint chirps of songbirds darting around from up high on the treetops. 

Renzou allowed his surroundings to lift his mood, drinking it all in with a keen sense of gratefulness. This was the only part that he would miss after they moved. The memories he had made in this forest, the peace that it brought to his heart whenever he wandered into its depths, what would replace it…?

He didn’t know, and he wasn’t ready to think about it. So he continued to walk forward.

It was a particular hot summer day. The shade provided by the towering trees around him was enough to keep his skin from burning up, but the humidity in the air was unbearable just the same. Renzou could feel the sweat coming off his skin before it even finished forming and it was hard to wipe his face dry when his arms were just as feverish and sticky. Even his shirt was growing damp and uncomfortable as the minutes passed. Fortunately, there was an easy way to cool down. 

_It’s somewhere around here, isn’t it?_

After a bit of focused searching, Renzou gave a little internal cheer when he successfully located a nearby river. He had followed the soft murmur of the current straight to its source, and now that he was here, he took a moment to admire the chords of soft light peeking through the trees, making the surface of the water glint as if there were hundreds of coins hiding beneath its depths. 

Entranced by the sight as much as he was fulfilled by it, Renzou found himself smiling for the first time that day as he knelt down the edge of the river. He traced his fingers along the surface of the water, watching it ripple, before cupping both of his hands under the cool liquid and lifting it up to his lips. The relief he felt as his patched throat cooled down along with the rest of his body was as sweet as it was refreshing. He took another long sip before splashing his face clean, then his forearms, and finally, after taking off his sandals, he sat down and stuck his legs in the water, kicking them slightly against the faint current. 

_Ahh, that’s much better._

This time, when the wind returned, it blew across Renzou’s damp skin, making his soft grin widen with delight. It was a rare expression from him, something private. A vulnerability he didn’t like to expose normally, but one he was comfortable to reveal within the invisible walls that surrounded this forest. There was just something about this place that put him at ease. Even the fact that it was filled with insects—his greatest enemy—didn’t keep him from coming to visit. They really weren’t so bad anyway as long as they didn’t get near him. Renzou liked to watch the most unobtrusive ones from afar. There was a meadow filled with flowers that he stumbled into sometimes where a peaceful swarm of bees liked to frequent. Butterflies often wandered in as well, every once in a while, and despite being terrified of their creepy little stick faces and beady eyes, Renzou liked to admire the colorful designs on their wings from a safe distance.

The worst offenders around here were probably the giant beetles which, despite their size, blended all too well into the surrounding foliage. He couldn’t count the amount of times he’d been scared to death by the sudden helicopter-like flutter of their wings as they flew over his head or in front of his face. The cicadas were just as bad too. Whenever the humming whine of their buzzing song vibrated louder than usual, he made sure to walk in the opposite direction, not wanting to meet the source of his fears face-to-face.

None of these fears plagued him right now though. The water was a friend that shielded him from the sun as well as the worst of his foes, so Renzou allowed himself to lean back, resting the weight of his body comfortably on his hands, and closed his eyes. At that moment, he felt entirely at peace. 

Up until the moment he heard the snap of a twig alert his attention. 

He turned his head in the direction of the sound at once.

“Who’s there?” he called out when he didn’t see anyone around. For a second, his heart couldn’t help but to long for Takezou, but he pushed away the pang that made his chest ache and wondered instead if Jun or Juuzou had come to pick him up. It couldn’t be, right? Renzou had never ran into any of his other siblings around here. He was positive they had no idea he liked to spend his time in this forest. 

So then, what could have caused that noise? An animal? Or… someone else?

Spooked by the uncertainty, Renzou rose to his feet and quietly slipped his sandals back on. It was with hesitant footsteps that he approached the area where he thought the sound had come from, and sure enough, he spotted the twig that had neatly broken in half, but he didn’t find anyone or anything around him that may have caused it. 

“Is there… anyone there?” he called out again in a nervous voice. If it was an animal, he hoped his voice startled them into movement. If it wasn’t…. Renzou suddenly didn’t feel quite so safe anymore. Now sounded like a good time to head back home.

The forest that Renzou claimed to know so well, however, was not so easy to navigate through after all. Perhaps it was because he felt so agitated, or perhaps it was because he had never actually made his way to the exit on his own. Whichever it was, the more he tried to trace back his footsteps, the more he began to feel helplessly lost. It felt as if he was five-years-old again, but this time, his big brother wasn’t around to rescue him from the mess he had gotten himself into. 

_Didn’t I already pass this spot? Wasn’t there a weird-shaped tree around here? I can’t hear the river anymore..._

Renzou’s mind raced just as fast as his heartbeat which thrummed anxiously the longer and longer he spent futilely looking for the exit. It got to the point that he couldn’t bear to take another step forward. Eventually, Renzou came to a standstill and he bit his lip, trying to hold back a surge of tears that threatened to spill forward like a great flood.

_Take-nii… Someone… Anyone…!_

Renzou let out a tremulous, hiccupping sob. He slapped the palm of his hand against his mouth and crouched down until he was squatting with his knees pressed up against his chest. He wanted to contain this feeling and shove it away. He wanted the balloon swelling inside of him to shrink down into nothing again. He wanted, most of all, to stop feeling so lonely and helpless. 

“H-Hey…”

At first, Renzou thought it was only the wind that had whispered the word-like sound.

“Hey, you... W-Why are you crying?”

Renzou’s shoulders curled in tightly, a muted flinch that escaped him as he registered the voice. He forced himself to loosen up and peered his eyes open to look in the direction of where the meek question had come from. There, on his right-hand side, there was a teenager wearing a white foxlike mask, the kind Renzou always saw being sold at festivals. He was peeking out from behind the thick trunk of a nearby tree, staring at him. 

“W-Who’re you?” he whispered.

The teenager didn’t answer his question. Instead, without moving from his spot, he asked one of his own.

“Are you lost?”

The reminder of the situation Renzou was in had him scowling. He wiped his snotty face clear and muttered back a sullen reply. “What does it look like?” 

After composing himself by taking a deep breath, Renzou rose to his feet and stood tall as he stared up at the teenager who didn’t make any move to approach him at all. He didn’t seem to know how to deal with Renzou’s moody attitude either, which gave the young boy some confidence, enough to take a curious step towards him. 

“D-Don’t…!” the teenager said abruptly, taking a step back, away from him.

Renzou stopped in his tracks, more confused than startled by the other’s frantic tone of voice. 

_Weirdo…_ he couldn’t help but to think.

As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, the teenager hesitantly straightened up and spoke again, almost defensively. “You’re a human child, aren’t you?”

“Huh? What kind of question is that?” Renzou answered back, furrowing his brow. He stared at the teenager dubiously, wondering if the other was playing some sort of joke on him.

“...If a human touches me, I'll disappear," the teenager said, as if that explanation made anything clearer. Well, it _did_ convince Renzou that the other was trying to mess around with him.

“You’ve gotta try somethin’ a little more believable if you wanna trick me, yanno,” he pointed out, unimpressed. 

“I… I’m not lying!” The protest was uttered in the loudest voice Renzou had heard from the other yet, but it didn’t scare him off at all. Possibly because Kinzou outmatched everyone else he had ever met in the loud department. Plus, even if the teenager in front of him was taller than his least favorite sibling, there was a nervous aura that clung to him that made him seem much smaller.

"Say I believe ya…” Renzou said, deciding to play along. “If you’re not human, then what are you?”

"I'm just… something that lives in this forest."

"Like a spirit?"

The ‘spirit’ nodded after a moment. Renzou narrowed his eyes.

“Prove it,” he said.

“Um.” 

It was clear that the other had never been asked to prove whether he was a spirit or not, which made the ridiculous situation a whole lot more unbelievable. It sparked Renzou to try to get the other to admit he was lying, so he darted forward without warning, trying to close the distance between them.

“H-Hey!!” 

The teenager quickly moved out of the way, so swiftly that Renzou didn’t have a chance to stop himself from launching into the air until it was too late. He let out a loud groan as he landed on his face painfully as a result. Annoyed, he pushed himself up and sat up on his knees, brushing off the dirt and twigs off his face and rubbing the achy tip of his nose. 

"What did you think you were doing?!" 

Renzou could feel the other glaring at him from behind the mask he was wearing.

“What kind of spirit disappears when they’re touched?” he said doubtfully. "I've never heard of any spirit like that."

The supposed spirit crossed his arms over his chest. "And I suppose that you interact with a lot of spirits?"

"Well, no..." If what the other was saying was the truth, this would be the first time Renzou had ever encountered one. He’d heard many tales, of course. From his parents; from neighbors that were as old as his grandparents, if not older; from people who had lived in the area for ages. He’d even heard a couple of stories from some of his older siblings in passing. The forest that Renzou loved to explore was known as the forest of the mountain god, Yamantaka. It was said that spirits dwelled these grounds, though Renzou never really believed these stories. 

When he had asked Takezou about it once, his brother had laughed and said, "I can't really say whether the stories are true or not, but now that I think about it, a classmate of mine once told me that he came in here with a couple of his other friends and they ended up stumbling into a summer festival that was being held that night, right in the middle of this forest. He said they had a lot of fun, but there's no way anyone in town would do that kind of thing... Maybe the spirits threw the whole thing together? What do you think?"

"That's scary," Renzou remarked immediately. The idea of a festival did sound fun, and he couldn’t say he would not have been tempted to wander in if he had been the one in that situation, but thinking about it now, the smarter choice would normally be to run away. 

"Is it?" Takezou laughed at his answer. "But I don't think it's anythin’ to be scared about either way. There's somethin’ about this place that just puts me at ease, yanno? Don't you feel the same way?"

Certainly, Renzou didn’t feel scared right now. This forest was his safe haven and would always continue to be. Already, he had forgotten how upset he had felt a few minutes ago when he realized he had gotten lost. 

"How do I know you're not lyin’?" Renzou insisted, not satisfied with the other’s claim. 

"Not by doing that, so—"

Renzou didn’t let the other finish his sentence. He dashed forward again, hoping to catch the teenager off guard. But just like before, his attempt was skillfully countered.

“Cut it out!”

This time, the teenager didn’t only move to the side to avoid him. He also snapped off one of the branches of a nearby tree and smacked Renzou right down the middle of his skull with it. 

“Owww….!” Renzou complained, stumbling back. He brought up both of his hands to cover the aching spot protectively. “You’re definitely not human…” he muttered, not particularly because he believed him, but because his mind had jumped to categorize the supposed spirit in the same class he often categorized Kinzou in. Those reflexes were simply too fast to be called human. 

“Please don’t try that again,” the other told him. He took another wary step back, increasing the distance between them. He didn’t let go of the branch in his hand either, anticipating that Renzou might not listen to him. It was a good deterrent.

"I really would not like to disappear, you know. It may seem difficult to believe, but the mountain god placed a spell on me. If I get touched by a human, that’s the end of me.” The spirit let out a quiet breath that carried through from his shoulders. Sadness leaked out from the sound, faint as it was. It made Renzou sympathize with him a little. 

"That sucks,” he told the other. Then, like any curious child, he couldn’t help but to add, “Did you do somethin’? Make him mad or whatever?"

"...No."

 _Sounds_ _sketchy_ , Renzou thought, but he didn’t press this time. He still wasn’t all that convinced he was speaking with a spirit in the first place and wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep playing along.

The other seemed to sense this, given his next words. “Anyway… it doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. Isn’t it about time you get back home?”

The reminder that he wasn’t sure of where exactly he was had Renzou petulantly kicking his foot through the dirt in front of him. “I was trying to do that…” he complained. He looked up and saw that beyond the nest of leaves above him, the sky had already begun to darken. He had to get home quick before he worried the rest of his family.

“Doesn’t your brother usually pick you up?” 

Renzou’s gaze snapped back towards the masked teenager. “How do you know that?” he asked defensively.

The teenager visibly hesitated to answer, maybe because he knew that no matter how he responded, he would be viewed in an unfavorable manner. When he remained quiet, Renzou’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. He wondered just how long the other had been watching him, how many other times… Could it be that it had been him who had interrupted him earlier when Renzou had been by the river? He was almost positive that had to be the case.

 _Definitely a weirdo_ , Renzou thought, frowning. Yet, for some reason, he didn’t feel like the other was in any way dangerous. Despite everything, something about his presence reminded Renzou of the peaceful, serene feeling this forest often filled him with. It was as if they were one and the same. Maybe he really was a spirit.

“...Take-nii won’t be coming around anymore. Not for a while,” Renzou found himself saying, staring intently at the other’s face, trying to catch a glimpse of the eyes hiding behind the tiny holes of the porcelain mask as if that would help him determine if he was human or not. A flash of green peered back at him as those eyes widened with surprise.

“Oh. Did something happen to him?”

This time, it was Renzou who didn’t answer. He kicked his sandaled foot again quietly, ignoring the ghost-like ache spreading across the palm of his hand. His chest felt swollen again. He didn’t want to think about Takezou right now.

“Look,” the other said, still hesitant, though to his credit, he did take a step closer despite that. "I know it’s not that easy getting out of here. Hold on to this, okay? I can lead you back out." 

Renzou stared at the thick branch being held out between them, the one that had been used to keep him at bay before. What a weird thing to offer to him. He gave the other an unimpressed stare.

“I can follow you just fine,” he said, not making a single movement to step any closer. 

The other let out a small sigh. "If you get lost again, I won't go looking for you,” he warned, not lowering his arm just yet, giving Renzou a chance to reconsider. He didn’t.

“I won’t get lost!” he protested instead. The memory of how awful he had felt when he realized he had gotten lost returned to him however, so it wasn’t said with much confidence. He just felt like being stubborn about it.

“Fine then. Do it for my sake then. There is no way I’m going to let you walk behind me, so either you hold on to the other end of this, or I won’t help you at all.”

Geh. Renzou couldn’t exactly protest against these terms. He had already proven very well how little he could be trusted to keep his hands to himself. 

“Tch. Fine,” he muttered. It only took him a couple of steps before he was able to close his fingers around the branch, and once he did, the masked teenager made sure to continue to maintain a safe distance between them as he began to walk towards where Renzou assumed the exit was. They didn’t talk much after that. Occasionally, they glanced at each other, each with a question lingering on their lips, but neither seemed willing to break the peace beginning to settle over them as they walked in silence.

Eventually, Renzou turned the entirety of his attention to his surroundings again, wanting to soak in the last few minutes he had left of it. How much time had passed since he first entered the forest? It must have been a few hours already, but it was always hard to tell. 

_I really am going to miss this place_ , he thought as his eyes followed the moment of a pair of squirrels racing towards an acorn. He wished he had a little bit more time to explore the forest to his heart’s content. He was sure there were so many hidden spots left that he had yet to run across. Old shrines, strange rock formations, maybe even a cave hiding behind a waterfall or something like that. There was a bridge he remembered running into once that he never got around to finding again, much less cross. He wondered what had been on the other side.

 _Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find it._ He still had a few weeks left until they had to move, after all. 

_I wonder if he knows how to get there..._ Renzou peeked another glance at his masked companion, at the ‘spirit’ he was not supposed to touch. He wondered what kind of face was hiding behind that mask. Maybe he didn’t have one. 

_No, wait. He definitely has to. I saw his eyes._ It was a green unlike any other he had ever seen, sort of like the jade earrings his mom wore on special occasions, but not quite like that either. 

_He’s really pale too, huh…?_ There was a ghost-like pallor to his skin, though Renzou hadn’t noticed as much before. The endless amount of moles that dotted every inch of his skin seem to make him more lively in a way, but now that he was taking a closer look, the impression he got instead—from the way he held himself, to the thinness of his limbs, to the delicate shape of his hands—was that he was rather frail. Yet, it was difficult to wrap his head around the fact that someone like this had managed to deliver such a heavy blow to him earlier. The ache from that ruthless attack had still not faded away.

“You should be fine from here, right?

Renzou didn’t realize they had reached the familiar gate, the barrier between the real world and his safe haven, until the other spoke up again.

“Ah, yeah,” Renzou said, blinking his focus back to the present. He stared between the gate and his companion before belatedly letting go of the branch that connected the two of them.

“That’s good. Well then, this is goodbye.”

“See ya...”

It was a bit anticlimactic, parting ways like this. As Renzou took a step towards the gate, he found himself hesitating. 

“If…” He bit his lip but turned around before he could think better of it. “When I come back again, will I be able to see you?”

“Huh?” The question visibly surprised the other. “Why would you want to do that?” he asked.

Renzou wasn’t really sure exactly. His half-formed thoughts from before were barely a good answer, so he came up with another one on the spot. “I can bring ya food,” he blurted out. “I want to. As thanks. For helping me out of the forest,” he added, trying not to stumble over his own words. 

“You don’t have to do that,” the teenager protested, lifting his hands up as if to keep the idea at bay. “You probably shouldn’t come here again. Haven’t you heard the stories?”

“Set foot within the mountain god’s forest, and you’ll lose your way forever, right?” Renzou shook his head. “But I never have. Take-nii always found me, and today, you did in his stead. So I wanna thank ya!” He said it more confidently now, and he followed up that feeling with another question that had been pressing on his mind for some time. 

“Hey, what’s your name?” he asked finally.

For a while, the masked teenager did not answer him. The wind blew softly around them, murmuring in their ears as Renzou waited with bated breath, staring up at the other with anticipation. But when the silence continued for too long, disappointment began to fill Renzou. Not that he let that deter him.

“Well, just so you know, my name’s Shima Renzou. I’ll come back to see you again, okay?”

Having said his piece, Renzou turned around, towards the way home, and ran off without looking back. But he only managed to take three steps down the lengthy stone staircase when he heard it:

“It’s Yukio.”

When Renzou looked behind him again, Yukio was gone.

* * *

That night, Renzou couldn’t sleep.

As he lay on the futon spread out on the floor of the bedroom he shared with Gouzou, his mind buzzed noisily as he replayed the strange interaction he had experienced that afternoon over and over again. Part of it was in wonder—had he really met a spirit? It wasn’t until they had said goodbye that he began to suspect the other had not been lying to him after all. 

He also felt curious—why had Yukio approached him? Why had he been watching him? Did he know Takezou? Had they spoken before? 

Renzou tossed and turned as these questions continued to plague him. He tried to think back on all the past occasions he had wandered into that forest before. He really had never met a spirit, not properly, but sometimes, through the corner of his eye, he caught glimpses of strange shadows that made him feel as if he was not completely alone. He had always written them off as figments of his imagination, but had that been Yukio then too? Were other spirits also watching him? Why?

The next day, he begged Juuzou to buy him some ice cream. His brother was always easy to convince whenever Renzou put on his best pleading face, and this time was no different. 

“Don’t let the others catch you with this, okay?” Juuzou warned him when he handed Renzou a popsicle after coming back from doing the household grocery shopping. He had bought more for the rest of the family, but none of them were allowed to have dessert before dinner normally.

“I won’t, I won’t! Thank you, Juu-nii!”

Renzou gave his brother a quick hug before hastily stuffing the popsicle into the knapsack he had prepared beforehand and rushing out of the house. 

“Make sure you’re back before dinner!” he heard Juuzou call from behind him.

“I will!” Renzou shouted back.

He took the shortest path that he knew to get to the forest even faster this time around. And when he made it to the top of the stairs, he found Yukio waiting for him, sitting underneath the shade of a nearby tree.

"You came back," Yukio said, surprised.

"Wasn't sure if that was all just a weird dream," Renzou admitted honestly. Then, with a small grin, he added: "You waited for me."

Even though his face was not visible, Yukio seemed embarrassed to have this pointed out. 

“Only because I had a feeling you wouldn’t listen to me,” he said defensively before smoothly rising to his feet. 

He was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. A pair of khaki-colored slacks that were a little short on him, exposing his ankles, a blue polo shirt that looked a little frayed at the edges, and a pair of sandals, not unlike Renzou’s own. 

And just like yesterday, he hardly seemed affected by the hot weather. Renzou was already starting to sweat a little and the day promised to get worse. This made him add another line to the mental tally he was keeping to help him determine whether Yukio was a spirit or not. 

“Oh yeah! Here!” Renzou promptly brought out the popsicle he had stored in his knapsack. He held the treat out to the other. Through the clear plastic, he was relieved to see it had not started melting yet. “As promised!”

Yukio hesitated at first before taking the item with a slow, careful movement, grabbing it from the other end, making sure their hands did not touch. 

“Thank you,” he said. “You didn’t have to.”

Before Renzou could reiterate otherwise, Yukio continued speaking as he gave the sky a long glance. 

"It's getting hot again today. Shall we go somewhere cooler?"

“You got somewhere in mind?” Renzou asked curiously.

“Yeah.”

Renzou bounced on his heels, beaming in excitement. “I thought you might tell me to go home again instead, or disappear on me,” he said with a teasing lilt in his voice.

"Well if you're here already…” Yukio grumbled. “I might as well stick around with you, so I can help bring you back later." 

“Hehe. In that case, what are we waiting for?” The young boy rushed up to the spirit who quickly took a few steps away from him to maintain a proper distance. Renzou gave him a sheepish grin and innocently rested his hands behind his head. _No touching, got it,_ he thought to himself. Though the temptation to test that out again had not quite gone away yet.

Yukio seemed to be able to read that from his expression alone.

“Don’t try it,” he warned, disapproval etched into his voice.

“I won’t!” Hidden behind his head, Renzou made sure to cross his fingers as he gave the other an easy smile.

“Hmph…”

The spot Yukio intended to lead them to was not a particularly long distance away, but the two of them walked at a leisurely pace, enjoying the walk as they drank in their surroundings. The smell of the morning air was as familiar as ever, comforting and relaxing. Renzou kept his gaze attentive, trying to memorize the path to their destination properly. 

“It’s going to melt, you know,” he said after some time, gesturing to the popsicle Yukio had not opened yet. 

“Oh, you’re right.”

Yukio glanced at the popsicle in his hand with surprise, as if he had forgotten it was there, before unwrapping it from the plastic. Renzou watched, fascinated, as the mask Yukio had been wearing this whole time was propped up to rest on his nose, leaving his mouth visible. 

_Definitely has a face then, like I thought. And it’s even paler than the rest of him…_

There was a small mole resting on the right side of his chin, but the little else of what he could see of his face was as pale as the mask he wore. 

“You want a bite?” Yukio asked after biting off the tip, noticing his burning stare.

Renzou blinked at the question. “Gross.” He stuck out his tongue. “You’re only supposed to do that with girls, yanno.”

“Oh? My bad,” Yukio said with a small frown, as if he really hadn’t known. Renzou supposed he didn’t get much opportunity to share this food with others. 

_Does he eat normally?_ Renzou wondered. Well, even if spirits didn’t really need to, he was sure they still enjoyed food. That had to be why people usually left those kinds of offerings at altars and graves. 

“Anyway, I’ll get one later tonight, so I can hold out,” he explained. 

“I see. Well, it’s tasty. Thank you for bringing it over,” Yukio told him politely.

“It was no problem!”

They continued their trek in silence though Renzou became excited when they eventually came across a bridge. It had been so long since he had last seen it, but Renzou recognized it at once. He immediately rushed up ahead. 

"Be careful!" Yukio called after him. 

The bridge stood over a large river that Renzou remembered being scared off, but now that he was looking at it again, it didn't look as deep as he had originally thought. He climbed up the bottom ledge of the wooden railing and leaned over the bridge, looking at his reflection as the wind gently tossed his hair back and forth. 

"It's pretty sturdy, but you could slip and fall over, you know," Yukio pointed out after he had caught up to him. 

Renzou glanced at him with a wide grin. "If I get wet, I get wet. It's hot anyway."

"You'll catch a cold like that," Yukio said disapprovingly. 

"I woooon't. But fine, I wanna see the other side anyway. Let's go!"

Yukio had finished eating by this time, so he followed Renzou along with his hands nestled inside of his pockets. His mask had gone back to covering his whole face, much to Renzou’s disappointment. 

“How come you’re always wearing that mask?” he asked, tearing his gaze away from the fruit trees on this side of the river to glance at his companion.

“No particular reason.” Yukio shrugged the question off, but Renzou could tell that wasn’t a truthful answer. Before he could press, however, the other swiftly changed the topic. “Never mind me,” he said. “Tell me about yourself.”

“You’re curious?”

“That’s why I waited for you.”

With a small, carefree grin, Renzou told him all about his family—about his strict parents and somewhat annoying siblings—then filled him in on his school life too. He told him about the town he lived in, their neighbors. He told him about Takezou’s circumstances too.

When he thought Yukio was properly distracted, he also tried to poke him again. 

“Hey!” 

He thought he had been sneaky enough—and really, he only meant to grab the corner of the other’s shirt, but Yukio reacted immediately, stepping to the side and bringing out a stick he had kept in his pocket with impressive speed. He wasted no time hitting Renzou with it again.

“Owww.”

“I thought I told you to cut that out,” Yukio said, annoyed.

“Sorryyyy….” Renzou pouted, rubbing the sore spot on his head. “You kept the stick,” he muttered.

“I had a feeling it would come in handy, though I was hoping I wouldn’t need to use it.”

 _I guess I should’ve expected that…_ Renzou thought. The sting of the underlying scolding actually felt worse than the bump on his head. “Sheesh... I won’t do it anymore, okay? I promise for real this time.” 

“Good. See that you do.” Yukio let out a long sigh. “...You’re not even a little bit afraid of me, are you?”

Should he be? Renzou’s face scrunched up at the question. “You’re askin’ me that now?”

“Never mind.” Yukio let out another sigh. “Let’s just keep going.”

The question remained in Renzou’s head as they delved deeper down the thickening rows of trees. Renzou looked around with a bright, curious face, his eyes darting this way and that way whenever he heard a rustle in the distance. It was usually just some animal darting around, which he was quick to point out to Yukio with a childish delight. He came to a standstill, however, when he noticed a strange shadow move by his feet. For a moment, he was entranced by the way it slithered across the ground, but he grew wide-eyed as the shadow began to take shape. A pair of round, red eyes stared at him from within the forming black mass which hid itself poorly behind a nearby tree.

“Yukio, is that a human child?” A rumbly, deep voice echoed from the creature before them. “Can I eat it?” it asked.

Renzou felt all of his blood rush out of his face. His knees trembled, knocking against each other, and the need to run away had his heart hammering wildly, urging him to move, but he was paralyzed in place by the bottomless fear that this terrifying monster struck into his heart. 

“Don’t.” Yukio stepped up in front of him, stretching out his arm to cover Renzou from the direct view of the monster. “He’s my friend,” he said.

“Hmm… Your friend. Is that so?” The monster bent down so that he could catch Renzou’s eye again. Renzou gulped uneasily when it addressed him directly. “Human child… Please do not touch Yukio’s skin.” It was a request as polite as could be, yet that creepy voice sent a shudder down the length of his spine. 

“If you do touch him,” the monster continued, “I’ll _eat you!_ ”

Renzou let out a sharp gasp. The serious intent behind those words had him falling back, losing the last of the strength on his knees that had been keeping him upright. At once, Yukio clapped his hands in front of his own face before letting out a strange noise, something between the hoot of an owl and the howl of a coyote. Just as immediately, the creature in front of them shrank back. A huge cloud of smoke burst unexpectedly and when it dispersed, the monster was nowhere to be seen. In its place stood an unusual looking fox whose face didn’t look like the face of any fox Renzou had seen before. 

The fox looked between them, trembling in fear, before leaping away and running off in the distance.

“W-W-What was that all about?” Renzou stammered.

Yukio rubbed the back of his neck. “That was another spirit. He transforms to scare people but he’s all bark and no bite. Please don’t think so badly of him,” he said with a small sigh. “Are you okay?”

Renzou wiggled his toes before slowly pushing himself back to his feet. 

“Holy crap,” he muttered. “That was the real thing, huh. I can’t believe I actually met one.”

“What?” Yukio took an abrupt step back, visibly bewildered by that statement. “Just what have you been thinking I was?!” 

The sound of that completely exasperated protest made the last of Renzou’s lingering fear dissipate and he let out a loud laugh that bubbled out of him straight from the pit of his stomach.

The next day, and the day after that, and the days following that one, Renzou continued to go back to the forest. He met up with Yukio every time and the two of them explored the vast expands of it together, playing silly games, like racing each other, seeing whose leaf went down the length of the river faster, playing hide and seek, and trying out their own version of tag while holding sticks in their hands. They visited new places and old places and Renzou always made sure to share stories about his daily life with Yukio. In return, Yukio began to tell him about the other spirits in the forest as well as the humans he had encountered from afar before. 

It was the most fun Renzou had ever had. It filled the void in his heart that had been left by Takezou’s absence.

“Have you always been in this forest?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“Then how come I never saw you before?”

“Well, it makes sense for me to keep to myself, you know. Getting close to you humans is dangerous.”

“You think I’m dangerous?” The notion amused Renzou a little. Though he understood what Yukio was telling him, he couldn’t help but to think that it would be nice if Kinzou could see it that way too. 

“I said getting close to you is dangerous. You in particular on the other hand… I don’t know about that,” Yukio chuckled, though the sound was kind.

“ _Hey,_ ” Renzou protested nonetheless.

One day, they found themselves in the flowery meadow that Renzou liked to walk through from time to time. Sometimes, he snuck back a couple of flowers to give to his older sister and his mom, but for the most part he just liked to drink in the sweet fragrant scent that tickled the inside of his nostrils. The red poppies were his favorite ones. Yukio said he liked the blue ones better. 

“Yukio... did you fall asleep?”

Yukio was lying down on the grass several feet away from the bed of colorful flowers. He had been silent for a little too long, and while it wasn’t unusual for them to enjoy each other’s company in silence sometimes, the lack of answer he received made Renzou a little suspicious. Not to mention curious. 

_Do spirits need sleep? It really does look like he is_ , he thought as he quietly snuck up to Yukio and knelt down by his head. It had taken Renzou a while to notice this, but as a spirit, his friend did not need to breathe, so he was entirely still and silent as he remained limp on the grass. Only the strands of his dark brown hair and the loose ends of his clothes shifted slightly as a light breeze blew by. 

_It's... okay if I touch his mask, right?_ Renzou wondered.

Slowly, somewhat nervously, Renzou’s hands inched forward until his fingers were right on the edges of Yukio’s mask. He was very careful not to touch any part of the spirit’s skin or even his hair as he began to peel back the delicate porcelain mask. 

The sight that met Renzou’s eyes stunned him into silence for a long moment. He’d caught glimpses of the other’s face before, but seeing the whole picture after all this time filled him with a quiet sort of awe. Yukio’s eyes were closed and his face was just as still as the rest of him, not a single wrinkle in sight. There was another pair of moles on his face, aside from the one resting on his chin, sitting below his left eye. Renzou was staring intently to see if there were anymore hiding anywhere else when Yukio’s eyes slid open. 

“Ah. Sorry!”

Renzou hastily shoved the mask down on Yukio’s face and scrambled backwards.

“Ouch,” Yukio muttered, more out of surprise than the lack of gentle treatment. He rolled to his side as he adjusted the mask back on properly, then sat up until he was facing Renzou, sitting cross-legged.

“Attacking someone while they're asleep now… You’re as rude as always, aren’t you?” Yukio complained.

“Sorry…” Renzou said again, though it was with a sulky expression. The panicked guilt he had been hit with at being caught had been brief. “You were just pretendin’ to be sleeping anyway, weren’t you?” he accused.

There was a slight pause. “I looked normal, didn’t I?” 

The slight teasing lilt in his voice had Renzou expression’s mellowing and biting back a smile, but a question that had once gone unanswered began to plague him again, prickling at the tip of his tongue.

“...Why do you wear that mask?” Renzou asked, the question soft and serious.

In the silence that followed, his eyes quietly traced at the red lines on the mask that mimicked the shape of a mouth, the whiskered lines, the large painted-on eyes from where Yukio’s own green irises occasionally peeked out from at the right angle. 

Finally, Yukio answered. “If I don't, I don’t look like a spirit, right?” 

Renzou thought back on the smooth human-like features he had been studying while Yukio had been pretending to be asleep. Even in spite of his pale complexion, he really did look like a normal human. Old enough to maybe be around Juuzou’s age. He wondered then just how old Yukio really was. How did he become a spirit? Was he born a spirit or was he a human once who had simply died in some way or another? 

Renzou was struck with the realization that the time to find out the answers to these questions was running out… The thought of not being able to hang out together anymore, of not being able to keep in touch, made him very sad. 

“Hey, Yukio…” Renzou said some time later as they made their way back to the entrance of the forest.

“Hmm?”

Their hands were dangling loosely at their sides. Renzou remembered the first time they had made this walk together, holding a stick between them to make sure they did not get separated.

“I won’t be able to return tomorrow anymore,” he confessed in a quiet voice. “I told you before, didn’t I? We're movin’ to Tokyo, and I don’t know when we'll be comin’ back.”

Saying the words out loud again made everything seem more real. It felt wrong to utter them within the safe haven he treasured so deeply. The excitement he felt about the move at the beginning of the summer had dimmed down under the weight of his worries and regrets. He always tried to keep those at bay when he was in here, but they were bubbling beneath the surface as their slow steps drew closer and closer to the entrance.

(What if his new classmates didn’t like him? What if he got lost, pulled away by the crowds, while he and his family were walking around the city? What if he hated their new house? What if Takezou didn’t wake up?)

“I see...” Yukio let out a thoughtful hum. “Well, I hope the move goes smoothly. And that your brother recovers soon.”

Renzou tried to find comfort in the sentiment. “Yeah…” he said, hanging his head low.

“If you are able to return, someday in the future…” Yukio continued without breaking the pace of his even footsteps. “I’ll be here.”

Renzou’s head snapped up. He stared at Yukio’s back with wide eyes. The encroaching feeling of loneliness that had been returning was washed away by a wave of warmth.

It was relieving, remembering that this didn’t have to really be a goodbye. Just a see you later.

“Promise?” he asked in a rushed whisper, staring up at his friend’s back with a hopeful, grateful smile.

Yukio turned around then, and though he didn’t remove his mask, Renzou could envision the kind smile that was surely being aimed at him.

“I promise.”

* * *

Living in Tokyo really was the dream. It met all of Renzou’s childish expectations. All the worries that had plagued him during the long train ride over dissipated as they took their first step into their new house. 

It was much smaller than their last one, but there was still plenty of space to fit the eight of them comfortably. The rooming situation didn’t change much either. He still shared a room with Gouzou; Juuzou and Kinzou shared another; Jun had one all to herself but there were plans to keep a good part of it clear as a play area for Yumi for when she started walking around. 

There was one extra room that everyone was already calling the guest bedroom, but they all knew exactly who that room was meant for. Nobody tried to claim it.

Aside from being delighted about their brand new house, Renzou also loved the area they had moved to. There were so many more places to go to now: convenience stores at almost every corner, more restaurants than he could count on the fingers of each hand, there were malls everywhere and arcades and grocery shops that stretched on for miles and miles. It was a little intimidating the first time they walked across Shibuya, but Renzou’s eyes were wide with fascination as he held on tightly to Jun’s hand and observed all the different types of people walking beside them. It really felt as if a whole new world had opened up in front of him. 

As excited as he was to absorb everything the city had to offer, however, Renzou knew his family couldn’t exactly afford to overindulge in a luxurious sort of lifestyle. Even so, that didn’t keep him from begging his siblings to take him out to sightsee whenever he got the chance. He loved staring at all the displays of plastic food outside of restaurants, perfectly designed to replicate all the items that were on the menu. He even endured tagging along with Kinzou whenever he went to the arcade and watched him play. Kinzou was always good at getting the highest scores, so they ended up getting several free rounds often enough that even Renzou was able to join in and play with him at times.

Settling down into his new life was so seamlessly successful that sometimes Renzou forgot the real reason why they moved. That was, until the first weekend after they finished unpacking the majority of their boxes finally came.

“No changes still?”

“No… They finished the last surgery they had pending, so now it is just a matter of waiting to see when he will wake up.”

After Renzou had overheard that small exchange between his parents, they soon announced to the rest of the family that they would all be paying a visit to the hospital Takezou had been moved to. Everyone was relieved to hear it. When his brother had still been in Kyoto, his parents usually took the trip to the hospital just by themselves. While they were keenly aware of how much Takezou was missed by all their other children, they tried their best to keep all of them from having to face the harsh reality of Takezou’s situation. Because of that, Renzou hadn’t seen Takezou in months. 

“I’m glad you could all make it.” 

The doctor that greeted them in the waiting room was a tall man with gray hair, a matching goatee, and a pair of round glasses that currently hung low on the middle of his nose. He was the doctor that had been assigned to be in charge of overseeing his brother, and it had been him who had advised that frequent visits and a rotation of visitors could have a positive effect on Takezou’s condition.

“Please follow me. Though, I’ll warn you now, we can only allow three of you inside the room at a time.”

His dad, Gouzou and Kinzou were the first ones who got to go in. Kinzou had been practically vibrating to see Takezou the whole trip over, so to avoid causing a scene, they made sure to allow him to go inside first. 

Renzou went in with Juuzou and his mom next. While she stood on the right side of the bed and took Takezou’s hand in her own, Juuzou and Renzou crowded against each other on the other side. Seeing Takezou lying so still on the hospital bed, Renzou could understand, finally, why his parents had been so opposed to having them visit. It was a strange and heartbreaking sight. For as far as Renzou could remember, Takezou had always been full of boundless energy and good cheer. It wasn't right, seeing him like this. 

Unsurprisingly, the visit to the hospital made Renzou think about Yukio again. 

He had been thinking a lot about his friend recently. As he acclimated to his new school life, as he started to make new connections and friends, he thought a lot about the days the two had spent together running around in the forest. Many mornings, as he woke up and watched the clouds outside slowly break apart from the window of his bedroom, he wondered what Yukio was doing at that moment. Had he come across any other humans? Was he revisiting their favorite places? Was he lonely?

 _Take-nii… When will you wake up?_ he wondered. _I want to introduce you to my friend. I want to go back to the forest and run around there with the two of you. Please… please get better soon._

When summer reared its head again, Renzou received an unexpected piece of news. Soon after his birthday, his family planned to head back to their old place to visit their grandparents for a few weeks. His dad made sure to tell them in advance that he was expecting them all to pitch in and help with the upkeep of the house. It was far too much work for their grandparents to manage alone, so they would be making the trip every year for the foreseeable future.

Thankfully, the first day that they got back, his parents let them run free and just relax, so Renzou took the first chance he had to run straight back down that familiar path, those familiar steps, and when he finally reached the very top and crossed that worn wooden gate, his heart burst with joy when he found Yukio waiting for him as promised.

“You’re still here!”

“Renzou...” 

Yukio was sitting underneath the shade of the tree that he always rested against when he was waiting for Renzou. 

“Welcome back,” he said with a voice that warmed Renzou down to the tip of his toes. The urge to run up to him and hug him was almost impossible to resist, but Renzou managed, somehow. 

“I’m back, and I’ll be back every summer!” he rushed to say, bouncing on his heels. “I’ll be able to see you again, every year, even if just for a little bit!”

He watched with a wide grin as Yukio smoothly got up to his feet, and when he tilted his head in that way that was familiar too, Renzou took eager steps to reach his side.

“Shall we get going?” the spirit said.

Renzou spent hours filling Yukio in on everything that had happened over the past year and he was delighted when his friend had a few stories of his own to share. Their fun, playful days had returned to them again, and Renzou was always diligent about completing the few chores that his parents routinely assigned to him quickly and correctly so as to not waste the precious time they could be spending together.

One day, however, a new presence made itself known. Well, not exactly a new one. Just an unexpected one. One Renzou had never thought he would ever encounter.

As Yukio and Renzou were walking towards a lake where they liked to skip stones, a large shadow slithered past them, just narrowly avoiding their feet. It was a presence that Renzou took no notice of at first, but as the shadow climbed up the length of a nearby tree, the air around them grew heavier. Renzou stopped in his tracks as his eyes were drawn in the direction of the tree from where a large shadowy hand began to stretch out from.

At first, Renzou thought it was the fox spirit they had once run into, but the voice that filled the clearing was nothing like the voice that had once had him quaking in terror.

This voice, while just as deep and tremulous, made him feel nervous but not afraid. It filled him with awe. It made him want to bow down in respect.

 ** _"Yukio..."_** the ancient voice said as the large hand reached over and wrapped around Yukio's torso, ready to pick him up and drag him away. **_“That is a human child. If he touches you, you will disappear.”_ **

Yukio placed the palm of his hand atop the back of that large, shadowy hand. "I know, but I'm fine. Thank you for worrying."

The simple reassurance seemed to be all the ancient being needed. Renzou watched mutely as those massive fingers slowly released Yukio.

**_“Human child… Please do not touch Yukio.”_ **

Being addressed by that voice had Renzou straighten up to his full height. "I won't," he said with a deep conviction. “I promise.”

The ancient being accepted his words just as easily as it had accepted Yukio’s. However, rather than retreat, it chose to address Renzou again.

**_“Tell me… What is your name, human child?”_ **

This time, Renzou looked at Yukio before answering, and upon receiving an encouraging nod, allowed himself to speak again.

“Shima Renzou,” he answered promptly.

 **_“Shima…”_** The voice repeated the name, as if to consider it. **_“Yes, I can tell. You remind me very much of Takezou.”_ **

“You know my brother? You met him before?” Renzou immediately blurted out, very much surprised.

 **_“Yes…”_** the voice said. **_“Takezou could never sense us, but he loved being in this forest. He got lost here one day and almost drowned… I led him back to the entrance and hoped he learned from his experience, but he came back again many times, eventually adapting to this forest as if he had always lived here. But he has not returned in some time.”_ **

Renzou listened to this story with wide eyes. He had known that his brother was familiar with this forest, but he hadn’t thought Takezou had visited it for that long. He recalled, also, the conversation they’d once had together. The story he heard today aligned with the one his brother had told him. Takezou really couldn’t see or sense the spirits that inhabited this forest.

“My brother…” Renzou started hesitantly. “I’m sure he’d love to visit again someday, but right now, he’s sick, so he can’t come.”

 ** _“Is that so…”_** The voice let out a low sound which lingered in the air, a thoughtful hum, or perhaps a disappointed sigh. He said nothing more on the matter, however. Instead, his shadowy form finally began to retreat.

**_“Yukio… Please be careful. And as for you, Shima Renzou, remember what I said…”_ **

“Who was that…?” Renzou asked when the profound presence that had weighted down the air around them fully disappeared.

“Hmm? Oh, that was the mountain god, Yamantaka,” Yukio said simply. He began moving forward again, continuing the walk towards their destination, as if the interruption had hardly bothered him, as his answer didn't deserve further elaboration.

Renzou nearly tripped over when he heard that response. “The one who cursed you?” he blurted out. He couldn’t deny the god-like presence of the ancient being he had spoken to, but underneath the intense sound of that voice, there had been a kind warmth. It was hard to reconcile the two beings as one and the same.

“...He didn’t curse me,” Yukio said after a moment. His stride didn’t falter, but his voice dimmed into something soft and unreadable. “The spell he cast on me was never meant to be malicious.”

Renzou’s brow furrowed. He opened his mouth because despite acutely feeling that he shouldn’t press any further, he couldn’t find it in himself to let the topic fade away. 

The words never made it past his lips, however. Before he could properly verbalize his thoughts, Renzou became uncomfortably aware of a burning gaze staring at the two of them intently. Not just one. Several of them. As if they had been drawn by Yamantaka’s appearance, a crowd of spirits had gathered around them, keeping their distance, but paying close attention to them. 

“Yukio…” they said. “Be careful, Yukio…”

Renzou’s shoulders hunched in slightly, but he didn’t feel particularly scared, not with Yukio at his side. Yukio, who was also a spirit. 

_The other spirits should be able to touch him, huh?_ he thought, and as he watched Yukio continue to lead the way, he realized he felt a little envious.

* * *

Three summers passed. Then four. 

Renzou had always been an adventurous, mischievous kid, and as a twelve-year-old, this had not changed. 

“Renzou, come on. It’s too late to start playing hide and seek,” Yukio called out with a huffy, exasperated tone of voice. It wasn’t that he was even particularly tired. Yukio never seemed to become exhausted no matter how hard they played. It made him an excellent playmate, except for when he was trying to act responsible. 

“Renzou…” he tried again. “Where are you? If you don’t come out, I’m going to leave you here, you know.”

The warning was nothing more than a bold-faced lie and they both knew it, but the timing of it was just perfect. As Yukio walked past a branch that was just a few inches taller than he was, Renzou, who had been carefully hiding behind a thick cover of leaves, jumped out with a purposeful shout of surprise.

“Whoa!”

It took Yukio a moment to recover but as Renzou continued to dangle upside down from the branch, his lip jutted out into a small pout. 

“Tch. I really wanted to see your startled face,” he complained. With a quick movement, he sat up swiftly so that he was no longer hanging off the branch with only his legs to support his weight. Instead, he sat straddling the branch, letting his legs swing on each side as he looked down at Yukio.

“What’s all this about all of the sudden…?” Yukio let out a troubled sigh. “Usually it’s the ghosts that scare off the humans, isn’t it? Are you trying to roleplay?”

“Hmm, maybe?” Renzou tilted his head in thought before giving his friend a light shrug, but the good-humored smile on his lips faded the longer he stared at the white-mask Yukio was always wearing.

He really had wanted to see his startled face.

“At least when I’m around, can’t you take your mask off every once in a while?” he asked seriously.

The sincerity of his request seemed to surprise Yukio. Renzou could tell despite not being able to see his face. After all these years, he’d become very skilled at reading his friend’s mood through his body language.

“I guess that’s fine…” Yukio finally said and a smile lit up Renzou’s face again when he saw the other reach for his mask. “Why though…?”

Renzou rolled his eyes. _Isn’t it obvious?_ The exasperated response was on the tip of his tongue, but before he could even open his mouth, an ominous crack reached their ears, followed by a shudder that only Renzou felt. Time froze as the realization hit them both at the same time, but they could do nothing as the branch Renzou had been sitting on snapped under the stress of his weight.

“Watch out!”

It was a fairly tall height that he was falling from. That was probably why everything felt like it was going in slow motion. As Renzou fell down, fear struck the depths of his heart when he saw Yukio race forward, arms stretched, ready to catch him. 

_Don’t!_ he yelled mutely, horrified, shaken, and he was hit by a paralyzing wave of relief when he saw Yukio realize his mistake just in time to pull his arms back towards his own body. The pain Renzou felt when he landed hard on a thick, somewhat spiny brush that had been below him didn’t even register under the weight of the unending relief still coursing through his body.

“T-That… That was really close,” Yukio murmured, shocked not only by the suddenness of what had just happened, but also by his own reaction.

“Yeah…” Renzou’s voice was trembling, as shaken as his racing heart. “Sorry,” he whispered in a tiny voice. 

“No, I’m the one that’s sorry that I couldn’t help,” Yukio said, crouching down with visible worry. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Renzou swallowed. He took in a deep breath and forced himself to smile. “I’m fine,” he repeated. _I’m glad you couldn’t help me,_ he thought to himself.

It was hardly the first time this conflicting feeling of frustration hit him. The cruelty of their circumstances had always felt particularly unfair, but at this moment, Renzou etched the fear he had experienced into every inch of his heart. He couldn’t ever afford to forget this feeling.

After all, he didn’t want to watch Yukio disappear. 

“Hey… No matter what happens, don’t ever touch me, okay?” Renzou did his best to maintain a brave face, but for the first time since their first fateful meeting, tears pricked the corners of his eyes again, even as he continued to smile. “Okay?” he asked again, making sure that his words, at least, did not falter. “No matter what.”

And under that insistent gaze, all Yukio could do was bob his head with an imperceptible nod. “Yeah…” he said in a voice that was very quiet and sad. 

* * *

Two summers passed, each year flying by as quick as the last.

“Yukio! I’m back again!” he announced as he always did when he reached the top of the staircase. And like every other time, Yukio rose from his feet from the spot beneath the tree he was usually sitting under. 

“Welcome back,” he said, then tilted his head consideringly. “You’re getting taller.”

“But somehow, you’re still taller than me,” Renzou complained. “Anyway, look what I brought this time. Let’s go to one of those big clearings so we can fly this thing,” he said, lifting up the kite in his hands that he had brought over.

“What is that?” Yukio sounded genuinely confused. Renzou wasn’t surprised at all. There were a lot of things that Yukio didn’t know about, being stuck in this forest all the time.

“It’s a kite!’

As was routine, Renzou filled the silence between them with stories about how the rest of his year had been through their trek. When it was Yukio’s turn to talk, Renzou’s wandering eyes sought out his friend. He didn’t have to crane his neck that much to do that anymore.

_Our ages are getting closer and closer, huh? It’s weird, but somehow Yukio ages much more slowly than humans..._

“Hmm? Is there something in my hair?”

“Ah, no. It’s nothin’.” Renzou shook his head. He bit his cheek in embarrassment at being caught staring, but thankfully, Yukio didn’t seem to pick up Renzou’s strange mood. The fourteen-year-old gave the spirit an easy smile and prompted him to continue. “So you were saying…?”

“Right, well, we should try to avoid the lake for now. The water spirits have been in a bad mood lately, and…”

That night, as his family sat around the dinner table, Renzou tuned out the boisterous back-and-forth conversations happening around him and thought about Yukio. As the years went by, as Renzou grew up and his appearance changed, Yukio continued to be a constant. He looked almost the same as the day they had met. His hair was just a little longer, maybe, and his voice had grown deeper too, but these minor changes were insignificant, and that was in its own way comforting. The rest of his life and that of those around him hadn’t stopped moving, even as one other constant in his life continued to remain unchanged. 

It had been seven years, and Takezou had still not woken up. His family hadn’t exactly given up on him, but the frequent visits to the hospital had lessened. Renzou still went to visit him from time to time, and he knew the rest of his siblings, except Yumi, did too. Everyone went on their own time though. They respected each other’s space to hope and yearn and grieve, and over all, they didn’t really talk about Takezou. 

What _had_ changed over the years was this:

Two years had passed already since Jun stopped coming to Kyoto with them during the summer. She had moved out of their house in Tokyo at around the same time, but she still came by for dinner every other weekend with the guy she had started dating. 

Juuzou was in college. In fact, he was going to the University of Tokyo, having graduated at the top of his class, and he was pursuing a career as a paramedic. 

Gouzou was studying for his entrance exams after having taken two years off just to get some work experience, but he remained vague about his plans for the future whenever asked, apparently still indecisive. 

Kinzou, on the other hand, didn’t seem all that interested in following their siblings’ footsteps and had instead formed a band that was beginning to pick up in popularity.

To offset the off-hand approach his parents had had with Kinzou, they had enrolled Renzou into cram school recently, but he wasn’t really taking it seriously despite their wishes.

_Someday, I’ll be older than Yukio, huh…_

The thought circled around his head, persistent, though he could hardly imagine it. The time they spent together always seemed so timeless. As Renzou listlessly cleared his plate, the sound of Yukio’s soft bell-like laughter echoed in his head. Renzou loved sharing funny stories with him to try to tease that sound out of him. The way Yukio always attentively listened to him when he was talking, even if it was just to complain about his siblings... The way he sometimes pulled back his mask, just as Renzou had requested, and allowed the warm rays of the sun to hit his face... The smile that rose on his lips, the way the green in his eyes sparkled, they all painted an ethereal image that warmed the pit of Renzou’s stomach and stole his breath away.

He really treasured those moments from the bottom of his heart.

“I think this has been one of the hottest summers yet…”

The heavy sigh that came from his grandfather drew Renzou’s attention back to the table.

“It sure has…” his dad answered with a thoughtful frown. “The weather in this area has always been so extreme. I’m sure this heat will be followed by an especially unforgiving winter… Are you guys sufficiently prepared for that? I can have the boys stock up the firewood before we leave,” he offered.

“Oh, we’d appreciate that.”

“Hmm… We really haven’t had the chance to visit during winter in all this time, have we?” his mom commented. “We should plan for it sometime soon. Not this year though. Maybe the next one.”

The topic of winter brought to mind an old, almost faded memory of Renzou running around the yard, trailing after Takezou who had just finished clearing the knee-high pile of snow off to the side so they could all spend some time outside.

“Don’t come out here without your gloves on, Renzou. They’ll fall off if you let them get too cold, yanno,” he had told him with a laugh.

“No way that’s true!” Renzou had protested. “Kin-nii forgets his all the time, and he’s fine! Plus, it’s not even that cold!”

“Oho… So you caught me. Aren’t you still a little too young to be that smart? But you really shouldn’t underestimate the winters here. They say that the cold of a winter that follows an especially hot summer could probably freeze the mountain god himself. If even he’s not safe, then what do you think will happen to you?” he had asked in a teasing voice.

 _I wonder if Yukio ever feels cold…_ Renzou wondered presently. The oppressive summer heat never seemed to faze him much, but maybe things were different for him in the winter. He had never thought to ask. 

_Visiting him in the winter sure sounds nice… We could build a snowman together. I wonder what kind of face he would make if I knock off his mask with a snowball._

One full of outrage he was sure, followed by a swiftly changing narrow-eyed glare of revenge. It was rare to witness that cute level of exasperation from him, but it was always worth the effort to trigger it.

_Maybe next year, huh…?_

The day before Renzou headed back to Tokyo, he brought Yukio a present.

“What’s this for?”

“You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’, you know,” Renzou retorted with a teasing grin. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten you anything, so there you have it. A scarf. Should help you keep warm in the winter. I heard it was gonna be real cold.”

“Hmm...” Yukio studied the soft fabric in his hands, carefully unfolding the green scarf to its full length.

“You’re putting it on now?”

“I like it. It smells nice,” Yukio told him as he wrapped the gift loosely around his neck. His fingers traced the fabric, mimicking the same reverent way that Renzou had handled the scarf with when he had gone and chosen it. It felt as if the spirit was chasing the remnants of Renzou’s touch. 

“Can you even smell properly with that thing on your face?” Renzou huffed as he followed the movement of Yukio’s fingers with his eyes.

_It suits him..._

* * *

The days Renzou spent in Tokyo always seemed to fly by without him noticing. Winter approached before he knew it, the temperature dropping little by little, until suddenly it was snowing every night, much to his siblings' delight. Despite their age, they could never resist a good old-fashioned snowball fight that had them chasing each other off to the nearby park to play around for hours. Renzou wondered if Yukio was keeping warm. 

_Maybe I should’ve gotten him some gloves too,_ Renzou thought as he stared out the window of his classroom. Lately, he had not stopped thinking about the spirit, even more so than usual. With the way the weather had been recently, he couldn’t help but to wonder if all the lakes in the forest had frozen over. Probably. The thought of ice skating on top of them together had Renzou smiling. Had Yukio ever tried something like that before? Maybe next time, if his family went to visit for winter break, they could give it a try. Yukio was typically very graceful, but the image of him struggling to maintain his balance wouldn’t leave Renzou’s mind anyway. 

_I could… hold his hands if he was wearing gloves, couldn’t I?_ The realization trickled in slowly as he imagined helping Yukio remain steady on his skates. The thought of those long, slender fingers gripping onto his hands made his heart skip a beat and filled him with an immeasurable amount of yearning. _I could… couldn’t I?_

“...hima. Dude, snap out of it already, it’s time to go.”

“Huh?” Renzou blinked, and as he turned in the direction of the voice calling for his attention, he realized that everyone in their classroom had already left. They had chemistry class next, didn’t they? 

“Oh, sorry. Yeah, I’m going. Thanks, Okumura-kun.”

“No problem. Hey, was there homework due for this class? I’m pretty sure there wasn’t but my dad’s gonna kill me if he gets a call from the principal again...”

Out of everyone in their class, hell, out of everyone in their school, Okumura Rin was probably the only student who was called to the principal’s office on a routine basis. It was a wonder he hadn’t been expelled yet. His grades usually left a lot to be desired, but if that fact was pushed to the side, Renzou could confidently say that his classmate reminded him very much of his childhood friend Ryuuji. That was to say—he wasn’t really a bad guy. They were both just headstrong and outspoken, and whenever they disagreed with someone, they ended up dealing with the problem using their fists rather than their words, though Rin was definitely more prone to losing his temper than Ryuuji. Probably because Renzou and their other mutual friend, Konekomaru, had been around to hold Ryuuji back most of the time. 

_If those two ever met, they’d probably get into a fight as soon as they saw each other,_ Renzou thought with some amusement. Though he hadn’t kept touch with his old friends since he had moved to Tokyo, he had a feeling his prediction wasn’t far off base. _I wonder who’d win though. Probably Okumura, right?_

Renzou didn’t really have much of a social life even if he was generally well-liked by his classmates. Despite that, he had ended up striking a bit of a friendship with the resident troublemaker that everyone else was more interested in avoiding. It had been because of a school project of some kind, he couldn’t remember what it had been about anymore, but knowing that his house was always at max capacity, Renzou had asked Rin if they could work on the project at his place instead. 

From then on, after realizing they shared quite a bit of interests, from video games to manga series they liked to read, and after Rin had mentioned he often had his house all to himself— “My dad works long hours all the time,” he explained—Renzou dropped by to hang out with him on occasion, more than happy to enjoy the chance to relax in a quiet household as well try out whatever new recipe that had caught Rin’s eye.

“You’re still coming over later, right?”

“Yup.”

“Nice. I have classroom duties today, but you can start heading to my house without me if you want. I’ll catch up quickly,” Rin told him with a quick grin. 

Maybe it was just because he always had Yukio on his mind, but something about that easygoing expression often reminded Renzou of the way Yukio’s face lit up when he was laughing. He wanted to see that sight again already… 

_I wonder what Yukio’s favorite food is, actually…_ Renzou thought as Rin began chatting about what he was planning to make for dinner. _If I start feeding him up a ton, would he gain weight? He’ll probably just end up getting taller. Totally unfair._

He was still thinking about the topic on his walk to Rin’s house that afternoon. The temperature around him was steadily dropping already even though the sun was still out, but Renzou didn’t really notice until a familiar voice called his attention again. 

“...Shi-i-ma! I said, wait up! Geez, you’re becoming even more airheaded than usual lately.”

A hand reached out towards him. Strong fingers wrapped around Renzou’s elbow and the contact set a jolt through his body that had Renzou snapping out of his thoughts again. 

“Oh, hey, Okumura-kun,” he said belatedly upon finally registering his presence.

Rin frowned at him. “At least try to look at where you’re going, yeah? It’s all ice by where you’re walking. You’re gonna slip and end up falling on your face.”

“That’d be bad, huh?” Renzou let out a small laugh which formed into a small white cloud that lingered in front of his face. When Rin’s hand released his elbow, he felt a pang of loss that he tried to ignore and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Thanks, man. But wow, you really did race out of there, didn’t ya? Did you actually finish everything you had to do? You of all people can’t afford to make our teachers any madder at you than they already are, yanno.”

“You don’t have to say it like that…” Rin grumbled. “I did what I had to do, okay! I just ran over here as soon as I was done.”

“And you’re afraid that I’m the one that’s gonna fall on my face? Geez. How about you follow your own advice?” 

“Is that the way you should be talking to the guy who’s feeding you today?” Rin bumped against Renzou’s side again. “Anyway, let’s hurry up and get to my house already. Looks like it’s about to start snowing again.”

They weren’t able to avoid getting snowed on before they got back indoors, so Rin headed straight to the kitchen to prepare them a batch of hot chocolate to drink as soon as they made it past the door. Later, as they sat under the kotatsu in front of the TV, Renzou’s eyes wandered to the window again to watch the snow fall. 

_I want to go see him again already._ Thoughts of playing in the snow, of skating around the lake, of how warm and steady Rin’s fingers had felt around his elbow, only brought Yukio to the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t help but to imagine it had been Yukio’s touch instead. He wished it had been. 

_I want to touch him._

* * *

As he had for eight years in a row, Yukio greeted Renzou at the entrance of the forest with a voice that was as warm as the summer sun. After he did, however, he paused for a moment to take in the sight before his eyes properly.

“You dyed your hair...”

"Yup!” Renzou replied with a slight grin. “You like it?"

Yukio tilted his head as if to study him further. “Why pink?” he asked bemusedly.

That wasn’t the reaction Renzou had hoped to receive. He let out a huff and crossed his arms over his chest, giving Yukio an unimpressed stare. “ _Rude._ Why not pink?” 

Yukio shook his head. “I was just wondering... It suits you.” Despite the mask on his face, Renzou could feel the intensity of the other’s stare. It made him want to squirm in place.

“I can’t really tell if that’s a compliment or not given the way this conversation has gone...” he muttered.

“Oh? Is that all you wanted to hear…?” Yukio chuckled quietly. The sound blended in with the morning song of the birds flying above them. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting such a sudden change. It does suit you though. I like it.”

The honesty in the spirit’s voice had Renzou’s cheeks heating to a shade similar to the one of his hair. “Well, it’s just something I did on a whim. Not sure if I’ll keep it. Just wanted to start the new school year with a bang, I guess.” 

His parents didn’t really find it appropriate, but then again, his timing hadn’t been the best.

“Hey, can we head to the flower meadow today? I wanted to bring some back home today.”

“Sure.”

The trek to their destination was a silent one this time. It wasn’t an uncomfortable one, it never was, but the need to close the distance caused by the long months spent away from each was one that neither of them felt could be filled with words today. It was both enough and not enough to stand by each other’s side. They didn’t look at each other. They didn’t need to. They wanted to. 

“Time really flies, doesn’t it? I can’t believe you’re already in high school.”

“Only three more years to go and I’ll finally be done with it. I can’t wait,” Renzou said wistfully, leaning his weight on the palms of his hands as he sat on the grassy clearing. He stared up at the clear blue sky above him, his eyes following the movement of the clouds drifting by. 

“...What will you do after?” Yukio asked. There was no ounce of pressure, just curiosity.

“About that…” Renzou let out a slow hum. “My grandparents passed away, actually. Just last week,” he confessed. “My dad’s thinkin’ about selling the house, so it’s probably the last summer that we’ll all end up coming here. But I’ll be back again,” he added, turning his head to look at Yukio. The spirit’s face remained hidden behind that white mask that Renzou often dreamt about. 

“I got a part time job and I’ve been saving up. I’ll come by when I can for the next couple of years using that. And after I’m done with high school, I plan to look for a job here. Then I can be with you more. In autumn, in winter, in spring... Always.” The expression on Renzou’s face was earnest. Yukio’s, behind the safety of his mask, was unreadable.

“Renzou…” 

The word hovered in the air between them, trembling in the cradle of the quiet, intense feelings they harbored for each other. It felt like if either of them dared to break the silence, something far more precious would break alongside it. But Yukio pressed on, speaking past the knot that had formed in his throat. He did it for both of their sakes.

“I haven’t told you this story before…” he began quietly. “My story. Would you mind listening to it for a bit?”

Not willing to let himself speak yet, Renzou only nodded.

“I’m not actually a spirit,” Yukio said, a statement so bizarre to hear after all these years that it took Renzou a couple of seconds to register the next one. “However, I’m no longer human either. It seems like I was once a human, but when I was a baby, I was abandoned in this forest.”

Yukio explained, with a voice that said it had been many, many years since he had last thought about this, that he had no idea who his parents were, why they had abandoned him, and that as the hours passed since he had been left alone, he had begun to cry out helplessly as if the sound of his screaming voice would help his parents find him again. He’d drawn the attention of the spirits in the forest instead.

“They said I didn’t stop crying for a long time. I should’ve died then really, but the mountain god appeared and cast a spell that allowed me to continue living. A spell that would keep me here forever, unable to move on. I'm like a ghost if you think about it…”

Yukio turned his gaze away from the sky and met Renzou’s eyes. The green of his irises peeked at him from behind the small eye holes of his mask and the need to reach over and remove it from Yukio’s face made Renzou’s fingers ache, but the other’s silent stare kept him from moving.

“Renzou…” Yukio said again. It felt as if he was trying to memorize the syllables, as if he was trying to taste them on his tongue as if this was the last time he would ever utter them. “It’s okay if you forget about me. A body that’s maintained by magic is very weak. If it were to ever touch a real human body, the spell will crack and I’ll disappear. It’s such a fragile thing.” He shook his head and lifted one of his hands, lowering his gaze to it. His skin was as pale as ever. When he curled his fingers in with a pained sort of frustration, all Renzou could think about was his desire to press their palms together.

“I can’t expect you to keep coming back forever.” He could hear the brave, steady evenness in Yukio’s tone. “So, please—” 

“Something that disappears when touched…” Renzou cut in. His voice lowered into something light and teasing. “That’s just like snow, isn’t it, Yukio?”

It _was_ a fragile thing. Yukio’s existence. The barrier that kept them apart as much as it allowed them to remain together. But their friendship, the way they felt about each other, was much stronger than that.

“I thought about you a lot during winter, yanno,” he told him. “So much, I don’t think I thought about anythin’ else. Even during the autumn, even during spring.” Renzou lifted his chin and this time he did reach over, carefully, slowly, and removed Yukio’s mask from his face. It was too much and not enough. 

“Yukio... I’m not ever going to forget about you,” he whispered, staring transfixed into the face that he loved so much. He gifted Yukio a smile and his heart leapt with joy when he received one in return, however tremulous it was. “So in exchange, you better not ever forget about me. Maybe time will separate us some day. But even still, until then, let’s stay together. Okay?”

This time, it was Yukio who had been rendered speechless. He nodded timidly as Renzou’s heartfelt plea was carried by the wind, swirling around them until it was a branding caress on their skin. 

* * *

“A spirit festival?”

“That’s not what I said. It’s a summer festival that’s being held by the spirits here,” Yukio corrected. 

“Right, right. Tomayto, tomahto. So what’s the special occasion?” Renzou asked, grateful for the distraction. They’d been fishing for an hour now, but he never had much luck catching anything and was ready to give up on the task. 

“There is none. We actually do this every year, but when you were little, I thought you might get scared, so I didn’t invite you.”

“I haven’t been _little_ in years.” Renzou shot Yukio an insulted glare. “Your other friends creep me out sometimes, but that’s because they never come closer and watch us like stalkers from afar.”

“...I _have_ told them to stop doing that.”

“And yet, they don’t really listen to you at all. You think after all these years, they’d trust me a little more.” Renzou grimaced. “Maybe they just really want to eat me after all.”

“I don’t think that’s it. But now that you mention it, maybe I should rethink this invitation…” Yukio murmured thoughtfully.

“Uh-uh. No take backs! I want to go!”

“You sure?” Yukio finally tore his gaze away from the still water and looked at Renzou, who nodded. “Good. I’m glad. I’ve wanted to go with you for a long time.”

“Oh, really?” Renzou put on a teasing grin. “I don’t buy the story you gave me earlier, yanno. Were you actually just shy?” 

“I wasn’t!” Yukio protested, but it was somewhat unconvincing. “It’s not like you could’ve simply come all this way so late at night regularly, right? In fact, are you going to be able to sneak out of your house tonight?”

“Not a problem! Just give me a time and I’ll be here. Though, can I really show up, just like that? What’s a spirit festival even like?” 

“It’s a normal summer festival, I said,” Yukio said again. An annoyed wrinkle formed on his brow, which Renzou stared at with delight. “On the outside, it’s not very different from a human festival. You won’t even notice there’s spirits there, really. Mostly everyone will be in disguise, so you’ll be able to blend right in.”

“Aww, and here I was wanting to be the one putting on a disguise.”

“Please don’t.” Yukio chuckled. “But do dress up a bit if you want. It is a festival after all.”

Renzou arrived that evening wearing a light beige yukata. A pattern of leaves circled the edges of his sleeves and the bottom hem near his sandaled feet. Climbing up the lengthy staircase to the entrance of the forest had been an arduous task with geta on, and it had made him wonder how he had never tripped rushing upstairs with the flip flops he often wore as a child. 

“You made it.” Yukio, as always, was waiting for him patiently. To Renzou’s delight, the spirit was wearing a yukata as well, dark blue with a vertical streak of silver that glowed in the warm light of the small red lanterns lighting their surroundings. 

“Mask on tonight?” There was an undercurrent whine in Renzou’s voice. 

Yukio let out a small laugh. “It’s appropriate, isn’t it?”

They walked side by side, Yukio leading with that keen sense of direction that after all these years, Renzou had picked up on, though not quite as well. The cicadas tonight were just as noisy as they were in the morning, though the sound was drowned out by the steady rhythm of taiko drums being played in the far off distance and the rising chatter and laughter of the crowds as they got closer to the festival grounds. 

As Yukio had told him, when they arrived, Renzou found that that sight before him was as festival-like as he could have imagined. There were stands lined up as far as the eye could see, all manned by excitable, welcoming owners which Renzou had a hard time discerning if they were really spirits or not. The same could be said of the crowds. Adults and children alike amassed in good cheer, stopping to buy snacks and souvenirs as well as try their luck at a variety of games set up around them.

“What do you think?” 

Yukio was watching Renzou as he took in every detail. 

“I can’t believe it took you this long to ask me to come.” Renzou stuck out his tongue briefly. “This is the farthest from scary, yanno. What, did you think I was gonna get lost or something?”

“That’s exactly what I thought. In fact…” Yukio reached into the inside of his sleeve and took out a long piece of cloth from within. “Here, tie the other end of this around your wrist.”

At once, Renzou protested. “My sense of direction is not _that_ bad.” 

“But this way, I’ll know for sure you’ll always be by my side,” Yukio countered smoothly, making Renzou’s heart skip a beat.

_Silly… You don’t need that sort of thing to know that. I’m not going anywhere._

Renzou reached forward and wrapped the cloth around his wrist nonetheless.

The two of them walked around the festival grounds at a leisurely pace, drinking in the unrestrained joy and excitement that surrounded them. Though the spirits in attendance were all in disguise, Renzou could pick out a few from the crowd anyway from the features some chose to retain. There were children with canine-like tails that wagged behind them in anticipation as they tried to fish out goldfish with paper scoops, others who chose not to wear a mask at all and left the unnatural, luminous glow of their eyes in full display. Recalling the story Takezou had once told him, Renzou imagined there were other humans somewhere in attendance as well, though probably not many.

“Hey, wanna share?”

As the aroma of the nearby food stands became irresistible, Renzou found himself pulling Yukio along towards the bright red rows of candied apples. The tug of the cloth connecting them had both of them biting back a smile. It felt as if they were holding hands. 

“I thought you only do that with girls,” Yukio pointed out wryly, which had Renzou’s mind scrambling to remember when he had ever said that. He let out a huff. 

“Well, you’re prettier than any girl, so I don’t mind if it’s with you.”

“I’m flattered,” Yukio deadpanned, though Renzou could spot the hint of pink hiding behind his mask.

“Good. You should be.” Renzou flashed him a quick grin. “Sooo, are we sharing?”

“Fine, fine. But you better not eat it all yourself!”

They bought two in the end, each a different flavor that they shared with each other, trading bites that if they thought too much about it felt as intimate as a kiss. They filled their stomachs as they picked up more snacks along their trek, grilled squid and takoyaki, soft serve ice cream and cotton candy. The first stand they attempted to buy one from had Renzou letting out a startled laugh when the fluffy cotton-like substance floated away from him before he could bite into it. The winking eye of the spirit glanced at him as it disappeared in the distance with a faint giggle. 

When they settled down later to watch the fireworks, Renzou took in a quiet breath and found it hard to fill his lungs with air when they were already so full already. The happiness expanding inside of him seemed to be endless. 

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Yeah,” Renzou replied, his voice a mere breathy, pleased sigh. “Gotta say, this probably ranks at the top of the best dates I’ve ever gone in.”

“Oh? Have you had many others?”

Renzou turned to look at Yukio, a shameless grin displayed on his face. “No,” he told him. “Just you.”

“I’m glad,” Yukio murmured. It was a selfish confession that was unlike him. Hearing it filled Renzou with an immeasurable amount of satisfaction. 

“I’ll plan the next one,” Renzou promised. “I can’t just let you outdo me like this, yanno.”

“Is that so?” Yukio’s laugh rang out like chime fluttering across the wind. “I look forward to it.”

They both wished with all their hearts that the night would stretch on for forever. However, the time they could spend together caught up to them as it always did. 

“Is it like this every year?” Renzou asked as they started making their way back to the place where they always greeted each other and where they always said goodbye. 

“Yeah, every year. I’d like to come with you again.”

“Me too.”

The cloth that kept them connected hung loosely between them. Their hands were just about a foot apart from each other and despite this distance, they felt each other’s presence acutely and tried to quell the yearning they both felt to breach it. 

_I want to touch you._

The words lingered in the air between them, unsaid. They didn’t need to be spoken. They couldn’t be.

_I don’t want to ever let you go._

“Renzou…”

Surprisingly, it was Yukio who broke. 

“I’m not sure I can wait for summer to come around anymore,” he whispered. “When you’re not here, even though I can’t be around crowds, I want to go see you,” he confessed.

“Yukio…”

Yukio shook his head. “I know it’s selfish. I know it’s impossible. I know I shouldn’t. That’s why I—”

“Yukio, stop.” Suddenly, Renzou’s heart leapt to the top of his throat. He didn’t know what Yukio had been trying to say then (he did, of course he did), but he knew he didn’t want to listen. “We’ve talked about this already, didn’t we? We said _someday._ ” There was an accusation in his voice. “We’re comin’ back again next year, and the next one, and the next one after that one. And until then—” 

As Yukio lifted his mask, Renzou’s voice faltered, captured by the swell of feelings that rose inside of him as the glow of the moon caressed Yukio’s bare face. He had a perfectly calm expression on, much calmer than his voice had revealed earlier. It was as much a mask as the one he held in his hand.

“Don’t say anything anymore,” Renzou pleaded in a whisper so small the words were almost inaudible and he braced himself when he saw Yukio’s lips move again.

“Here.” 

And rather than argue with him any further, Yukio gently placed his mask on Renzou’s face. “I want you to keep it.” Without allowing Renzou a chance to answer, he leaned over and pressed his lips on top of the porcelain white mask. 

The heat that surged throughout Renzou’s body then left him dizzy and trembling. The phantom touch of the kiss he’d yearned after for longer than he could remember seared into him, sinking from the top of his forehead to the bottom of his heart. His lips ached with desire. He understood why Yukio was saying goodbye, but he couldn’t accept it.

“Promise me,” Renzou insisted when Yukio pulled back. The cloth tying them together remained in place. His hand wrapped around it tightly, desperate. “Please. Please, promise me that I’ll see you again. Just one more time. Please wait for me. Let me see you again.”

“This is already difficult on the both of us,” Yukio murmured, looking away from him. It had taken him a gargantuan amount of effort to do what he had done. Renzou knew it, and he couldn’t accept it. 

“I won’t stop comin’, even if you try to avoid me, even if I don’t see you again for years. So let me handle this on my own terms.”

“And which terms are those?” It pained Yukio to ask this question.

“Meet me here again, tomorrow night. Just… trust me, okay?”

A light tug on the cloth wrapped around their wrist had Yukio looking at him again and through the peepholes of the mask on his face, Renzou held Yukio’s gaze steadfast until he finally nodded, giving in to Renzou again, as he had done once before. 

“Okay,” he whispered. “Tomorrow night then.”

* * *

After he parted ways with Yukio that night, Renzou snuck back into the forest. He had gotten the other to agree to see him again, but for how much longer would he keep on continuing to give in to Renzou’s pleas? He knew the love Yukio harbored for him was pure and that it was for Renzou’s sake that he was trying to pull away. That wasn’t what either of them wanted. It was the unfair circumstances of the world that were pushing them apart, and Yukio, headstrong and kindhearted, had taken it upon himself to make this choice for them, not seeing any other option. 

Thus, Renzou sought out the being that he thought, that he hoped could open up another path. 

“ ** _Why have you sought me out, Shima Renzou?”_ **

“You liked Take-nii, didn’t you?” Renzou asked bluntly, staring at the mountain god with an unsteady smile, a pleading expression. “I’ve noticed, yanno. After we met, it took me a while to realize it but your eyes are always on me, aren’t they? You keep watching me, but I can tell it’s not me you’re looking at.”

The mountain god Yamantaka said nothing to refute his claim. Renzou took his cue to continue, knowing this was his last chance. 

“Let him come back... Let them, my family, forget about me. I want to stay here, with Yukio. I don’t want to let him go, and my brother—Take-nii deserves to come back! Can’t you do that? Please!” he pleaded from the bottom of his heart.

He had no assurance that this was in any way possible. It was a crazy reach, an idea that had taken ahold of him in desperation, a last resort that he was depending on. So Renzou outright cried when Yamantaka answered him. The relief that hit him sent him to his knees. 

**_“I can.”_ **

* * *

That year, on the last day of summer, Takezou woke up. There was nobody at his bedside when he opened his eyes and it took him several minutes to take in his surroundings. Slowly, after looking around and realizing he was in a hospital, he sat up with gingerly movements. There was a faint ache that tingled throughout the entirety of his body, but surprisingly, he felt incredibly refreshed aside from that. It felt as if he’d woken up from long sleep, the best rest he’d ever had in his life.

 _How did I get here?_ he wondered. _And… what’s this?_

In Takezou’s hand, there was a black gemstone with gold flecks scattered over its surface. After belatedly noticing it was there, he stared at it entranced and though he didn’t understand why, he knew this stone was very important. Something that should never leave his side. 

He would not know, as the hospital staff alerted his family, that the brother he could no longer remember had visited him the night before. It was Renzou who had taken his brother’s hand, had placed this stone right on his palm and had closed his hand around it, holding it in place with a tight, firm grip. 

That night, Renzou had stared into Takezou’s face and thought about the years that had passed since his brother’s accident. He’d thought about the memories he had made and the life he had led, and he had said:

“Take it. Please, it’s okay if you take it all. I’ve lived enough already, and you have so much more to give everyone than me, Take-nii. You’ve always had.”

Renzou had thought about his parents then, whose grief ate away at them as the years passed, but who tried their best to move on and put on a brave face for the rest of their children. He thought about Jun who had never stopped visiting their older brother, even as it continued to break her heart. Of Juuzou who kept, year after year, trying his best to fill the shoes Takezou left behind. Of Gouzou who had left the country, needing space from the reminders around him that only filled him to the brim with loneliness. Of Kinzou who acted like normal but wrote ballads that anyone who listened to them, anyone who really knew him, could tie them back to Takezou. Of Yumi who never had the chance to know their eldest brother. 

_I only need Yukio,_ Renzou had thought. _So I'll give you all my future, my heart, my body. Take it all and wake up, Take-nii. Come back already and let me go._

He’d faded away, little by little, his body glowing and fading away into pieces as if he had been made out of fireflies. The time after that had been a blur. The last thing he did remember was the faint murmur of Takezou’s voice.

“Renzou…?”

And after all these years, after almost having forgotten what it sounded like, it felt like a parting gift. Renzou smiled, feeling tears gather at the corner of his eyes, but this time it was him who was unable to speak.

_Welcome back, Take-nii. Welcome home._

Yukio hadn’t been entirely happy with him when showed up the next night at their promised place. Renzou, pink-haired and a skin color fainter than it normally was, held the mask Yukio had given him in one hand. There was another one of his own resting on his face. 

“Oh, Renzou… You didn’t…”

“Shh, don’t give me that face.”

Renzou stretched out his hand and said nothing else then, just waited. And maybe Yukio had been hoping to still be wrong, maybe he had been ready for this to be it, the moment they had yearned after, their fated goodbye. But when Yukio reached out, when his fingers curled around the skin he’d longed to feel against his own, Yukio didn’t disappear. He didn’t fade away. Instead, he gripped Renzou’s hand tightly. He memorized the sensation of it with disbelief, with gratefulness, with wonder. 

Selfishly, he was happy.

“Don’t cry,” Renzou murmured when he saw the tears gathering in Yukio’s eyes. Because he could now, because there was no fear present holding him back anymore, he reached over and pressed his thumb under Yukio’s eye. He wiped away his tears, softly, gently, allowing his thumb to caress the length of his skin. 

“I’m happy,” Renzou told him. “I always will be as long as I’m with you. You’re all I need Yukio, so please, don’t cry.”

“You’re so stupid,” Yukio whispered. “So stupid.” And without letting go of Renzou’s hand, without saying anything else, he reached over and took Renzou’s mask off, and kissed him. 

* * *

They said that spirits lived in the forest of the mountain god. Takezou had never met any, not in all the time that he had ever lived, not during his childhood as he had grown up in their family home in Kyoto, and not as an adult when he’d moved back in decades later. It had taken him some time to come back. After finding out he’d been in a coma for so long, after spending some well needed time with all of his family catching up and getting to know each other again, eventually, Takezou found himself drawn to the place where it had all begun. 

On mornings when he woke up too early, on afternoons when he didn’t have work, on evenings sometimes even, just because he felt like it, Takezou liked to wander into the forest near his home. And even though he could never see them, the spirits could see him. Takezou was beloved by many, both living and dead. Maybe, on some plane of existence, he understood that, and that was why he kept returning to this place. 

Whatever the reason was, everyone was happy to see him again. The birds sang for just a little longer, the wind giggled against his skin, embracing him with a gentle breeze, even the sun sought him out, peeking at him from behind the clouds shyly, never boring down on him unwelcomingly. The yellow eyes of the mountain god lingered on him and granted him these gifts every time Takezou visited, but the ancient being did not approach him. 

Yukio and Renzou, on the other hand, did. Takezou could not see them either. But every time he climbed the stone staircase that led into the forest, every time he walked past the worn gate at the top, they greeted him warmly, holding hands, and Takezou smiled, feeling gratefulness in his heart, and walked past them.

And he continued to do so for the rest of his very long life.


End file.
